Notes from a Messy Desk

The Truth

2012-01-26T23:46:00.000-08:00

Whether you love God already, or you aren't sure about what to think, or you don't believe in God at all... watch this. It's a little bit slow at the beginning, but it is the Truth.

If you want to know about Jesus Christ, and His plan for us, here it is in a very short version. And it's beautiful. Because He is beautiful.

Jesus Christ overwhelms me. I never want to stop being overwhelmed, amazed, and humbled by the Truth... and God Almighty will never stop doing that and so much more for me, and for anyone who asks Him.

It is my prayer, and my deepest desire, that you know how much Jesus loves you. No matter what you've done, no matter who you are, and no matter what you will do, He will always love you. He is waiting for you with open arms and more love than you could ever imagine.

"The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some men count slackness; but is long-suffering toward us, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance." ~2 Peter 3:9

Want to know more? Message me! I'd love to talk about it, and get you a Bible so that you can read God's word for yourself and see that it is true.

Loony Luna

2012-01-25T22:44:00.000-08:00

Once again, spontaneity has played a leading role in a decision for me. I was going to a costume party dressed as Luna Lovegood, from Harry Potter. You know, this one:

The one who always wears very quirky clothes, like this:

"It's going to be so fun!" squealed the Optimist.

"Pull yourself together. It's a costume, for pity's sake," retorted the Pessimist, who was selecting a very drab, ordinary outfit for the day.

"No, no, no," said the Optimist, "You're not wearing that. We need to be quirky, you know. We'll get some funky clothes, and hair dye, and--"

"Hair dye!?" the Pessimist shrieked, pulling a hat onto her head protectively, "No way!"

"Relax. It's temporary."

The Pessimist muttered to herself as she shuffled off to pull her hair back in a very ordinary way.

Later....

"You promised it would be temporary! Why do I ever trust you?" the Pessimist cried.

"Well... they didn't have any temporary stuff. But don't worry, it looks nice and it only lasts a couple of months."

"I did not agree to this."

"But it's perfect for the character! Just watch!"

.... and with that, the Optimist transformed from this:

Into this:

The Pessimist said nothing, eyeing the purple tights with disgust.

First Impressions

2012-01-20T23:37:00.000-08:00

First impressions. They are, as it happens, important. They shouldn't be, not really I mean. The first time you meet someone, you are making a snap judgement. We all do it, admit it.

You don't agree? Think about it. You see a girl in the grocery store wearing her pajamas. She has her hair pulled up in a messy bun, and she's wearing sneakers. What do you think about her? What do you assume about who she is? And that guy who walks past you, or rather, swaggers past you, with his hat on backwards and a cloud of Axe Body Spray floating along with him, what about him? What about that lady you see with her kids, with her hair disheveled as she tells little Jimmy (for the millionth time), "No,"?

We all make assumptions, and if you are anything like me, they are usually wrong. Tragically, I'm no Sherlock Holmes, and I guessing that you aren't either. You can't look at someone and know their life's story...so why, oh why do we try so hard?

You may be wondering what brought this on... never fear, my faithful readers, I will bore you with that story. :)

So, on my first day of printmaking class, for whatever reason, I decided to wear a skirt. I like skirts. They make me feel pretty, and sometimes you just need to wear a skirt and feel feminine in this world that is constantly removing the femininity of women and replacing it with some strange non-gender-associated thing. Now, on a side note, please don't get me wrong about this.

I have no problem with women working or voting or getting educations... obviously, I appreciate both these things and others. However, I find myself longing for the days of chivalry. The days when men were men and women were women and each respected the other. The men were gentlemen (or at least, it was more expected for them to be so). They held doors for ladies and didn't try to treat them like "one of the guys", because they realized that they weren't. And ladies did their part, being kind, gracious, and, yes, feminine. I sometimes feel that I've been born into the wrong decade. Then, I remind myself that sin has always been around, no matter what disguise it robed itself in. Anyways... back to the present and the topic of first impressions.

On the first day of class, I wore my adorable jean skirt. Super cute. I wore a v-neck t-shirt (very modest and not at all low cut), a grey cardigan sweater (which same made me feel very old-fashioned, yay!), stockings, and black flats. I pulled my hair back into a bun.

Now, this sort of outfit is pretty much stereotypical "Homeschool Wear"... which, being homeschooled, isn't a problem for me. However, "Homeschool Wear" brings with it (of course) the rest of the assumptions about homeschoolers. You know what they are: Homeschool kids don't have friends, have absolutely no media input, are incredibly sheltered, and have no social skills. That's what they say, anyways.

I don't know who "they" are, but I'm pretty sure that most of the time, "they" are wrong. And in this instance, they most certainly are.

I will not spend this entire blog talking about the many stupid things people say to homeschoolers ("Do you ever... like... meet people?" ... "Why yes, I've just met you, haven't I?"), but I will comment on how hugely first impressions can impact you.

The class immediately caught onto my "conservative Christian homeschooler" vibe... though, mostly, it was my instructor. The Greenie, as I now dub him, is usually nice, but I get the feeling that, had I come into the first class wearing a 100% recycled-from-elephant poop and chicken feathers sweatshirt, had my hair flying frizzy and a la naturale, while I was sipping my healthy veggie juice from my eco-friendly cup... he might have viewed me differently.

I'm not really offended by this, because I've realized that I don't care, but it's interesting the way people look at me when I look the part of a homeschooler. You can tell a lot about what a person is thinking from their eyes.

Anyways, this whole thing just reminded me of how wrong first impressions can be. I'm homeschooled, Christian, conservative, and proud of it... but unlike the stereotypes, I have friends, social skills, and media input (for better or worse, haha).

It just makes me wonder... how many times a day do I misjudge people?

Do I really want to know?

Here We Go Again

2012-01-13T23:43:00.000-08:00

I'm taking a printmaking class. Yes, yes, I know what you must be thinking: "Here she goes again." And as that thought swirls around in your mind, I have to admit that you have a point.

It is true that most of the things in my life happen either on a whim or because I don't know what I'm doing. Writing? It sounded like a good idea. Painting? I was bored and trying something new. Judo? I wanted to be a ninja, and so I found a ninja class. Japanese Language class? I needed another class and everything else was basically full. Dance? I just... like it. And of course, the most surprising thing: aviation.

You may well wonder why my interest in aviation was surprising. Well, all throughout my childhood I was afraid of basically everything, including ladders and heights. So, when I announced that my dream job involves cruising around the wild blue yonder, it came as a bit of a shock to my friends and family. I still remember when I told my Mom about it... *cue flashback music*

"Hey look. You want to learn to fly?" I said, as we passed the local airport with its sign proclaiming: "Learn To Fly!" to passersby.

She laughed.

"I actually kinda think that would be cool."

Her eyes were huge, and, as she turned to look at me, they stated quite clearly, "Who are you and what have you done with my daughter?"

Anyways... after the initial surprise was over, she became (as always) very supportive. Though she still clings firmly to her belief that any aircraft with less that eight seats is a rattling, flying death-trap.

"She may have a point," said the Pessimist.

"But, (as a dear friend once pointed out to me), if I it is my time to die, then I will certainly do it. It might as well happen in an exciting way. ...That was a misquote, but the basic idea is still there as it was told me, and I have not forgotten it," returned the Optimist, gazing wistfully up at the clear blue sky.

The Pessimist rolled her eyes and said, "You're going to kill me some day."

Anyways. All of that to say that I am taking a printmaking class. I wasn't entirely sure what that would entail until I went, but it sounds pretty spiffy.

My Instructor is a semi-greasy, well-tattooed, bearded hippie. And he's a pretty funny guy. In other words, his class will be fun and relaxed.

The Optimist simply beamed as she was told about the copper plates she would use and the wood that she could carve into a reusable picture, "I'll be an illustrator! Just like they used to do... making monotypes and carvings and plates to print. Just think what I can do with a Victorian era theme. Imagine the illustrations based on Sherlock Holmes stories!"

"I can't wait," yawned the Pessimist, "Another exhibition of your inner geek. Because that is just what the world needs."

But the sarcasm was lost on the Optimist.

Tae Kwon Do! ... Or Not

2012-01-05T22:49:00.000-08:00

I was pretty excited about starting Tae Kwon Do next week at school... until I got an email from some lady who called herself "Master ---(insert name here)".

In this email, the peppy "Master" told us that we would need to sign a health release, buy a uniform, and... wait for it....

Get a mouth guard.

"A mouth guard? Really!?" screamed the Optimist, "She must be kidding."

"She isn't," muttered the Pessimist, seriously dissatisfied with the turn of events.

"But...but..." the Optimist whimpered pitifully, "All I was looking for was some good exercise and spiffy ninja moves. This sounds more like--"

"Like signing up to have someone kick you in the face and throw you around every week? No way," the Pessimist rolled her eyes, "I always thought that Tae Kwon Do was such a gentle sport."

"You did?" asked the Optimist.

...

"No."

"Oh," she said, "Do I have to take this class?"

"You have plenty of credits, and you were only taking Tae Kwon Do because you could. I think 'fun' was the word you used to describe what you were expecting."

"Was it?" asked the Optimist, perking up a bit, "You know, my dear alter ego? I can be really dense sometimes."

"Tell me about it," said the Pessimist, as she removed Tae Kwon Do from the schedule.

The Optimist sighed and said, "I wonder if there's another class that would be fun instead..."

The Pessimist simply glared at her, "Or you could spend the term being shockingly academic and continue exercising at home."

"There's always that," she said.

Sin

2011-12-12T23:21:00.001-08:00

"Do you want to commit a sin?" he asked.

"Uh...what?"

"Do you want to commit a sin?" he repeated.

"What???"

"How far are you on the homework?"

I shook my head, "I'll help you if you want, but I'm not going to give you my answers."

He laughed and made light of it and moved on.

"Did he really just say that?" the Optimist inside my head asked, "That was such a stark attempt to cheat on this class."

"Yep. And you knew it was coming," said the Pessimist, "What more can you expect in an immoral world?"

...Well, I have to admit that I have the tendency to expect a good deal from it.

To my mind, cheating isn't an option and morality is something that I imagine is a commonly known part of life. While I have always known that we live in a twisted world, it still sometimes catches me off guard. I mean really, what kind of world do we live in?

Since when is it acceptable to cheat and slack off? Since when is it right to flirt with everything that happens to be the opposite sex? Since when is getting drunk the best way a person can think of to spend their long-awaited week-ends? Since when should a girl be made fun of for sticking to her beliefs...for being "straight-laced" as some put it (though I think that that phrase is a little weird, considering that the opposite would be what, "shabby-laced")? This seriously happened to me (same guy, too).

He kept hanging around and talking and I was alright with being friends. I made it clear throughout our conversations that I am a Christian. He made it clear that he wasn't. But he kept sticking around, so I figured that maybe he didn't really get my point. He started to ask about getting together in the future. He asked for my number.

"You just want to be friends, right?" I asked. Hey, don't judge. It's an awkward question, so I saw no reason to make it more awkward by dancing around the issue.

He, however, did just that. He danced a full tap routine around it and then said something like, "I don't meet the requirements."

In that conversation, I told him quite pointedly that I won't date anyone who is not a Christian. Jesus Christ is the reason for my life, and the man that I marry simply has to share my love of God with me. Without God, life is a humorless joke, and a marriage without God would be the same.

The next time I saw him, he gave me a hard time for being "naive" and started to teach me about how dating works.

"If a guy asks for your number, he isn't your boyfriend," he said, in his most patronizing voice.

"I know," I said, getting pretty peeved.

... sigh.

I know I'm naive, but hey, at least I make sure I know where I stand with people. I'd rather come off as naive than to lead a guy on who might think that difference of religion is the same as difference of book or movie preference.

And anyways, the good thing is this: even if I am awkward and blunt about things and "straight-laced"... that probably means that whoever I marry will be "straight-laced", honest, and able to accept me in all of my weird naivety.

So, to all of my fellow young, Christian women out there who are trying to live their lives the way God wants (despite the many pitfalls and ridiculous short-comings we are all plagued with), keep it up!

Be naive... be Pure.

Wait for the right guy, and who cares what the wrong guys think? After all, as Amy said in Little Women, "You don't need scores of suitors. You only need one, if he's the right one."

The Ultimate Crime

2011-10-30T00:54:00.000-07:00

So, maybe it's just because I've seen too many cop shows and sci-fi movies, but my brain works in what might be considered abnormal ways. My imagination can run a bit rampant when it is fueled by too many strange books, stories, or movies... or even just ideas planted here and there along the way. In my defence, my friend has agreed with my about the theory I will now share with you.

My theory is this: Nighttime in a corn maze is one of the best settings imaginable for a grisly, blood-chilling, headline-making, horror movie-esque crime.

You may be wondering what caused this realization. That's understandable... I mean, it isn't really the sort of thing that just pops into one's mind for no reason at all. But don't worry. I had a reason.

Tonight, I went to the corn maze with my friend and a group of her friends. Queue rabbit trail: Is it weird that most of the parties I go to are comprised of people I don't know? Not that it's a problem, I actually enjoy it. Meeting new people can be a fantastic and fun time. Or it can be incredibly awkward and embarrassing (I'm okay. I don't want to talk about it. My therapist has it under control). But really, despite the odd disaster here and there, I like it. And people say I'm not adventurous. Anywho, where was I? Ah, yes, the corn maze.

Let me set the mood for you....

The night was dark and the chill air stretched still and silent over the land. Small tufts of clouds drifted over the thin, yellow sliver of a moon which hung timid and low in the sky. The corn field lay covered in a coating of eerie white fog. Not a sound was to be heard from within, not so much as a rustling of leaves in the wind or a drop of rain splattering on the ground. Hired hands moved quickly about their work, a heavy silence lingering as they moved in and out of the shadows.

Yeah, so it was kinda like that as we made our slippery way out to the maze tonight. As we walked past the flaming torches that lit the entrance to the maze, the title "Children of the Corn" flitted briefly through my mind. Wait, isn't that some terrible kind of horror movie that I've heard of somewhere? I chose to ignore that thought and for a little while, I felt like Harry Potter on his quest to find the Goblet of Fire. Except not. But you know, I'm a nerd and I have the ability to imagine that things are way more awesome than they really are.

After trudging around for awhile enjoying the cool night air and the company of these friendly strangers, I decided that the maze wasn't too creepy. I mean, I wouldn't want to be alone in the maze, but I was having fun as things were. Then we decided to play a game. The first step in this game was for one person to run off by themselves into the maze and eventually the others would scatter out and find them. The person left alone at the end, of course, would lose.

While this game sounded fun, I imagined that I might get a bit creeped out if people began to disappear from behind me and I ended up alone. To stave off that eventuality, I decided to volunteer to be the one who ran off alone in the beginning and ended up with a crowd of people by the end. This all sounded like a good plan in my mind.

I wandered for awhile around the maze, slipping and sliding my way along (and entirely unsure of where I was) until I reached a clearing and waited as instructed. It was a bit eerie, being all alone. At first, I distracted myself by admiring the airplanes flying by on their way in or out of the nearby airport. I have to say, they were really quite impressive and pretty as they soared in and out of the ghostly clouds all lit up. Nerd moment: It was a little bit like being in Star Trek and watching the Enterprise take off. Except not as awesome. But it was pretty spiffy.

After a little bit, my situation began to sink in. The corn maze is a perfect place for a horrible crime to be committed. It's dark, so the victim wouldn't see their danger until it were to late. It's a maze, so it's unlikely that they could find their way out in time. It's a Halloween type thing, so nobody would be disturbed to hear screaming. It's muddy, so running would be difficult. And it's a maze, so who knows when the evidence would be found. Creepy right?

So there I stood, just waiting for the hunchbacked farmer in red plaid and overalls to squelch his way out of the many corn maze paths with an axe swinging at his side. That's when one of our group showed up and told me how eerie she thought this place was. I agreed. And I was happy that she was there and that she wasn't a plaid-wearing, mud-squelching, axe-murdering farmer.

Anyways, so that's what I think about corn mazes. I hope you enjoy that thought next time you visit your local corn maze. Just kidding, enjoy yourself. I did; I had a great time. Corn mazes are fun! .... so long as no one with murderous intentions is around.

The Day I Became a Black Belt

2011-10-25T11:10:00.000-07:00

Here's a brief overview of the more recent events in my life:

My Mom was at work a few days ago, minding her own business, when she found a beautiful green and yellow parakeet outside of her office. She caught him and brought him home. My Dad came up with the most fantastic name for him.

"Can I keep him?" I asked.

"Sure," was the answer, "You know he'll need to be taken care of and fed and bathed and talked to, right?" --that was the condensed version. Any kid who ever owned a pet knows that the above concept takes a bit longer to say. Anyways, I felt like a little kid asking to keep the wild animal she'd stumbled over in the yard. I'd never actually been in that position before, so it felt kind of cool.

"Yeah, I'll take care of him," I said.

"Wait a minute," said the Pessimist, "You don't know the first thing about birds. You'll probably kill him."

"Oh, I'm sure we'll figure it out," beamed the Optimist, her eyes never leaving the vibrant bird, "He's so pretty."

"Well, he's nice looking but--hey, wait a second. How do we even know that it's a boy?"

"We don't. But he has to be a boy," said the Optimist with complete indifference to the subject.

"What do you mean, 'He has to be a boy?'... what difference does it make?" asked the Pessimist.

"If he's not a boy, then the name Dad came up with won't work. And it has to work; it's too good not to use."

"It's been named already?" sighed the Pessimist, "Well, what's his name?"

"Birdie Wooster," the Optimist grinned.

The Pessimist glowered like Roderick Spode, "Leave it to you and Dad to name him something dorky. How many people are even going to appreciate that name?"

"Any self-respecting nerd would get that," sniffed the Optimist, "At least, any of them who read."

If anyone reading this blog didn't get that, you should be ashamed and go to the library immediately to brush up on your knowledge of Jeeves and Wooster.

Anyways, long story short (well, more like short story long), I am now the proud owner of Birdie Wooster, the runaway parakeet. I'm doing my best not to kill him. After the bird adventure, you may well be wondering what the other events of my life are.

Well, I had a job interview at a local clothing store. It was a group interview. I think it went well. I wore some killer boots that I stole from my Mom (loooove you, Mom). And yes, "killer" in this context has a double meaning. They looked awesome and destroyed my feet simultaneously. Oh well, they were worth it.

And in other news, we learned how to choke people today in Judo. I feel really cool. I also feel really cool because for just one day I became a black belt. ... okay, so it's not as impressive as it sounds. I forgot my white belt at home and had to borrow the Sensei's black belt. Even though I knew it was just borrowed, I have to say, I felt a little bit like Jackie Chan. I had to suppress the urge to do one of my cool ninja throws.

What can I say? It's the little things in life.

The Asian Invasion

2011-10-12T23:12:00.000-07:00

For the last few weeks, my life has become decidedly more Asian. My life has the tendency to randomly import other cultures as a central interest for certain periods of time, usually involving the languages of those cultures. Tragically, I'm not actually fluent in any other language, but I've picked up bits and pieces here and there.

My life's linguistic experiences began with a dead language: Latin. I still remember bits and pieces, but I think what I gained most was just a decent vocabulary that I would soon discover to be the root words for many of our English ones.

After Latin (and ignoring a very tiny attempt at Spanish) came my temporary infatuation with Russian. I was quite proud of myself for learning a decent chunk of the vocabulary, and some of the alphabet. My Russian faze also included reading Russian literature. I started with Crime and Punishment (which book gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling in my soul--as you can imagine). After all, who wouldn't enjoy a book about an ax murderer? Right? Okay, so it wasn't really the most chipper of books, but I enjoyed it for some reason or other. After Fathers and Sons and Anna Karenina, I decided I quite liked Russian literature, but that I couldn't really recommend that anyone else read it. (Could I really look my sweet, innocent friend in the eye and smile while I handed her such a depressing book?)

Anyways, after Russian came Italian. Italian is quite lovely. I like pasta too, so it worked out nicely.

And now, Japanese has invaded my life. Last week, there was one night that I couldn't sleep at all, so I just lay there with my Japanese vocabulary list circling round and round in my head. Despite what you may be thinking, this was not pleasant. Don't believe me? You try going to sleep with words like "hajimemashite" and "doozo yoroshiku" and "Oyasuminasai" going through your head. Trust me, it isn't quite as soothing as "The Song that Gets on Everybody's Nerves" or "The Song that Never Ends".

Anyways, the difference between my previous cultural/linguistic obsessions is that this is the first of them all to cause me physical pain (let alone contribute to my random night of insomnia).

As a part of what I deem "The Asian Invasion", my Judo class has been making me think of Asia. After all, it's a martial art. Tragically, I like to focus more on the "art" part of "martial art"... and forget the part that involves intense physical training and exercise. Charlie Brown the Sensee didn't forget, though.

"Down and back five times!" came the order.

Now, if you remember, we're speaking that mysterious language used by athletic people, so "five" doesn't mean "five"... it means "five times three". Yep, my favorite lie had returned in the form of wind-sprints to punish me for complaining.

"You knew it was coming," said the Pessimist in my head.

The Optimist tried to catch her breath and said, "But maybe since we're doing this, he won't make us do as many push-ups and other stuff."

"Wanna bet?"

Needless to say, the Pessimist was right and I soon found myself doing regular push-ups, diamond push-ups, wide push-ups, push-ups that are so weird and hard I'm not sure what to call them, pulling myself across the mat using my elbows and toes, flipping over across the mat, pushing/pulling myself across the mat using my legs, falling repeatedly on my way across the mat, doing the grapevine and running some more (though not wind-sprints).

Death. That was a pretty good description for my feelings about that. I thought I was going to die. For those of you who may not know me well... I'm not an athletic girl by nature. I'm most at home doing school or art or some kind of work that allows me to drink coffee while doing it.

"Oh, suck it up," the Pessimist rolled her eyes, "You signed up for this, so deal."

"But I don't like this," the Optimist moaned pathetically, "I signed up to be a ninja, not to put myself into the position of doing push-ups. I think push-ups were designed by sadists."

The Pessimist sighed and turned her attention back to the Sensee. He was explaining something in his low growl of a voice that is almost never loud enough to hear. Then he turned and pointed at me, a horrible gleam in his eye.

"Come here," he said.

I was going to be the example. The guinea pig. The one who had to figure out what the heck he meant by his instructions and follow them without knowing for sure the consequences. I stepped forward.

He grabbed my Gi in the usual way (one hand at the collar-ish thing, the other on the back of the sleeve). I followed suit.

"Now sweep my leg," he growled.

After a moment's hesitation (as I tried to figure out just how he expected me to do this) I kicked his ankle.

"I can do this job," squealed the Optimist.

"Just wait," the Pessimist said, her tone like that of one condemned.

"Then, so that she can't do that, I can do this," he said, and demonstrated his move again, except this time he actually used his example student. My leg went right out from under me and down I went: BOOM.

Some people laughed. I laughed. I went to stand up and instead found myself lifted (with what I think was only one hand, but maybe two) swiftly, easily to my feet.

"Wow," said the Optimist, a bit subdued, "He's terrifying and strong enough to back it up. Scary."

"I knew it," said the Pessimist, "I always know when something's disturbing."

"Oh come on," said the Optimist, "You thought this class was a bad idea and you were wrong. This class has increased not only the physical health of the students, their flexibility, and their ability to do awesome ninja moves, but has also been very fun."

The Pessimist paused, "You know? You're right," she said with a little half-smile.

My Ninja Education

2011-10-05T23:11:00.000-07:00

When I was a little tiny girl, I took ballet lessons. I wore my pink tutu, donned my pink slippers, and learned to dance under the careful instruction of Mrs. Waddle. No joke. I don't remember her very well...but I remember my two years of ballet lessons.

Fast-forward a few short years to when I played indoor soccer with the rest of the little girls. I was terrible at it. I remember one time when I had a chance to make a goal... it was so close. I stood there for a second (though it seemed longer in my childish mind) wondering what to do. I had the ball (me! It was nothing short of a miracle that I had the soccer ball). I could see my talented teammate (in reality, she may have been awful. I just remember her being "cool"). I could hear Mom and Dad's excited voices telling me to go for it. Kick the ball into the goal! Score a point! Go! Fight! Win! ... and call me when you get back darling, I enjoy our visits... Oh, right, Edna hadn't been created in all of her animated glory at that point. I tell ya, the 90's were some sad times.

Suffice it to say that it was all a bit to much for my brain at that point in my life and so I just passed the ball to the "cool" girl and never made a goal. At the end of the season, my coaches gave me the award for "Cheering On My Teammates".

I don't want to talk about it.

Move forward in time to Jr. High Sports Camp. I didn't like basketball or soccer that much. Archery... frisbee.... meh. I liked volleyball. I still like volleyball. But just because I liked it didn't mean I had skill. And I didn't have skill. I also got the "Encouragement Award" for volleyball.

Now, in my second year at college, I did the unthinkable. In spite of my history with athletics and how I have never taken sports seriously... I signed up for a Judo class.

"I'll be a ninja!" the little Optimist inside of my head laughed.

"You'll get your butt kicked," said the Pessimist.

"But in the end, I'll be a ninja. Like Jackie Chan. Like in the movies Karate Kid and Kung Fu Panda. Just you wait," smiled the Optimist.

"You're terrible at athletics. Can you even do ten push-ups in a row?" sneered the Pessimist.

The Optimist was lost in a daydream about my future ninja skills.

Now, at this point you are probably thinking, "Is it really like that in your head?"

I plead the fifth.

On with my fascinating narrative:

As if only to continue my ridiculous career in athletics, Charlie Brown showed up to teach Judo on the first day of school.

Not even joking.

His personality is a bit more gruff than that sweet lovable kid we all know in his striped shirt and his one curly hair. However, in keeping with the spirit of the comic strip, the "Sensei" likes to watch us fall over a lot. I know how to fall over forwards, sideways, and backwards.

I also know how to pin someone down, how to off-balance someone on their knees and how to "sweep the leg"... for all of you Psych fans out there, "Sweep the leg, Gus! Why do you never sweep the leg?"

Unfortunately, the Sensei being as he is an athletic sort of man has decided that we need to be fit as well. A few of his favorite ways to achieve that end are push-ups (no, I can't do ten in a row), sit-ups, and of course, that sacred tool of all athletic sadists: Wind-sprints.

"Five each!" he said.

"Okay," said the Optimist, "That's not too bad."

"Yes it is," groaned the Pessimist.

The Optimist started to reply, but just then, the Pessimist was proved right. "Five" doesn't mean "Five" in gym language apparently. I always thought that five meant, well, five. You know: one, two, three, four, five. It makes sense in Japanese too: ichi, ni, san, yon, go. After all, math is the universal language, right? Wrong. Not in the gym. Not according to the Sensei. According to him, five means fifteen.

Seriously.

Seriously???

Sigh.

I'm not going to lie. I really like Judo. For the first time in the past.... Decade??? I like a sport.

But I hate push-ups and wind-sprints.

With a fury.

Mommy-ness

2010-05-17T01:37:00.000-07:00

I miss my Mommy.

The silly woman ran off to the South of all places to do a nasty job that needed to be done for a good friend...

but, that's the sort of person she is, if you need her, she is always there.

She's the kind of lady you can count on.

She's a fabulous writer (I've tried to convince her to write a book... *hint* *hint*), which is also the reason she has not read my novel. I want it to be good when she does.

She makes nummy food.

She likes ~~weird~~ Country music.

She loves Jesus, she loves my Daddy soooo much, she loves my brother, and she loves me-even though I's a goober.

She manages to get so much stuff done, it's ridiculous. I'm beginning to appreciate this more and more as I've done part of her job for the past few days. What with our house-cleaning, Grandpa's house-cleaning, hanging out with Grandpa, feeding people, etc... it's a lot of work.....speaking of work, I must work on my composition tomorrow... must.

Anywho, that's not all she does, either. She plans my graduation, works part time, and makes it look a lot simpler than it really is.

So, Mommy, I'm sorry for the times I've taken you for granted. You are a great Mom and I love you!

I hope everything goes well for you! Goodnight!... It's gonna be a long ten days.... but at the end, there will be Dutch Bros.

Peter Pan

2010-03-06T00:25:00.000-08:00

Well, well... it has been quite some time since I filled up a computer screen with massive amounts of useless drivel as I am about to do. I suppose I should play catch-up for a moment or two.

1. In November, I wrote a novel. It is 50,171 words long... and is still prodding at my mind, waiting for much needed revision. But I've got ideas circulating...

2. I went to Colorado and also lost my great-grandmother, Omi.

3. My brother started college!

4. I found out that many of the people I once called friends are really just phony jerks. Then I found out that when old friends fail, God sends you new ones.

5. I finished the Rhondo ala Turca... huzzah!

6. Many other things have happened...but I won't bore you with unnecessary details.

As of now, I've a great many things going on:

1. I'm learning to drive and thus far both my parents are still alive...though there were a few close calls...

2. In June, I am graduating... oi. Is it just me, or is it that whenever you get used to something and like your life... something comes along to change it and stress you out?

3. I'm going to need to figure out summer plans...

4. And college awaits me in the fall.

I have therefore made what I believe to be a brilliant decision: I shall turn myself into the girl version of Peter Pan and never grow up...

...now, let's see... that was first star on the right and straight on 'til morning!

Sometimes...

2009-10-17T00:11:00.000-07:00

You know those times? The ones where things have finally seemed to have just barely rectified themselves between you and another and then WHAM! It happens. You open your mouth and say something stupid. Something out of place. Something that sounds really... really bad.

That was Thursday.

And then, you know how you try to fix it? You send an e-mail full of light-hearted apologies and compliments... and you wait.

...and wait.

...and wait.

...and nothing happens. No response. No acceptance. Not even a comment on your facebook status. Nothing.

All night... all day... and I've given up on tonight as well...

Yeah... so you know those times? Well, in case you don't, they suck. They're sucky. As Mom would say, "They suck eggs!"

Now, don't take this the wrong way... I'm not heartbroken over it or anything.

Just... disappointed in my friend and myself.

Adorable Things

2009-10-15T22:51:00.000-07:00

Things I Adore (inspired by Mom over at More Than Just a Mom)

1. God and my family!

2. Fall... it's so pretty; brightly colored leaves, cool crisp air, pure rain coming down, a steady wind blowing... happiness!

3. Coffee. Coffee good.

4. Peanut M&M's... which I have new supply of (thank you Mom)!

5. Books... they just seem to go very nicely with fall, coffee and peanut M&M's.

6. Playing the piano! But allow me to specify: Rhondo ala Turca-- BAD Scarlet Pimpernel music from Broadway--GOOD

7. Drop Dead Diva!!!

Futility

2009-04-14T19:22:00.000-07:00

So... today I was reminded via an old assignment sheet that I have been learning the Rhondo Ala Turca (by Mozart) for at least a year.
Seriously?
Yep. Seriously. The date on the sheet was April 2008. And I'm still working on it.
I know a big part of the problem is that I don't practice enough... but honestly!

So Many Books and So Little Time

2009-03-17T22:51:00.000-07:00

I love to read. Reading is one of the most amazing things ever... there are so many good books that I would love to read!

I just have a tiny little problem... sticking with just one or two books at a time.

Right now, I'm trying to read:

1. Anna Karenina -Leo Tolstoy

2. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring- J.R.R. Tolkein

3. Macbeth- William Shakespeare

4. The Castle of Llyr- Lloyd Alexander

5. ... and I'd really love to pick up The Screwtape Letters- C.S. Lewis

6. And I'm at a stopping point halfway through The H.M.S. Surprise- Patrick O'Brian

So... I'm going to make myself finish them... and hopefully soon.

The Castle of Llyr is only with me until Friday... so that one has to be first.

I've been working on Anna Karenina the longest, so she'll be next.

Macbeth after that since I'm very much in a Shakespeare mood.

Lord of the Rings after that to please Emily... and maybe while I work on that I can do Screwtape Letters.....

And to top it all off, after that, I want to read Inkheart. :-)

Well, there you go. My weird homeschooler self in all her bookishness.

150 Things You Didn't Want to Know about Me

2008-11-25T09:23:00.000-08:00

Snatched from Annie (a.k.a. my Mom)…

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink – I think not…

02. Swam with wild dolphins – I don’t swim in the ocean. Or with big fishies…

03. Climbed a mountain – Nope.

04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive – I don’t drive, so that would be a little difficult.

05. Been inside the Great Pyramid –I’ve never even left the country.

06. Held a tarantula – Hm… a gigantic furry spider… no.

07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone – Um, no thank you- I bathe alone.

08. Said “I love you” and meant it – To my family, duh.

09. Hugged a tree – That might hurt a little.

10. Bungee jumped – Of course! Not.

11. Visited Paris – No. And I don’t really want to either.

12. Watched a lightning storm at sea – No, but it might be kind of cool!

13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise – Are you kidding? In the cold?

14. Seen the Northern Lights – No.

15. Gone to a huge sports game – Oooh!!! Yes! Let’s go watch a bunch of arrogant athletes throw a ball around! Or not. I have books to read.

16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa – Again, with the never-been-out-of-the-country thing…

17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables – With my Mom and brother.

18. Touched an iceberg – Why?

19. Slept under the stars – Does being in a tent count?

20. Changed a baby’s nappy – I’ve had two foster-sisters and a cousin who’s more like a brother. Of course I have.

21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon – Egad, no!

22. Watched a meteor shower – Never seem to see much.

23. Gotten tipsy on champagne – I don’t even know what that tastes like.

24. Given more than you can afford to charity – I generally don’t have money. But I do try to tithe.

25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope – Are you kidding? I OWN a telescope!

26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment – A year after my Grandma died, Grandpa FINALLY decides to bury her ashes. The Lutheran priest did something that my brother and I had been joking about. It’s awkward when you start laughing when you are burying someone.

28. Bet on a winning horse – Don’t care.

29. Asked out a stranger – Um. No.

30. Had a snowball fight – Who hasn’t? Lots of fun!!! Except when you dodge a snowball and ram your head into a vehicle. Twice.

31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can – Yes. And my Mother told me that I can only do that if I an bleeding or being kidnapped.

32. Held a lamb – I don’t remember.

33. Seen a total eclipse of both the sun and moon – Of the moon, yes. I’m still waiting to see the sun eclipsed.

34. Ridden a roller coaster – Yeesh, no! I cried on the ride that makes you spin in a circle a couple of times.

35. Hit a home run – I hate sports.

36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking – I don’t recall.

37. Adopted an accent for an entire day – Ooh! That sounds like fun! My best friend (we’ll call her Rosencrantz—it’s an inside joke) and I did go around goodwill acting like British people for awhile. That was fun!

38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment – Yes!

39. Had two hard drives for your computer – No? I don’t know.

40. Visited all 50 states – No.

41. Taken care of someone who was drunk – No. Although I did play twister with my tipsy Uncle once.

42. Had/Have amazing friends – Yes! Rosencrantz!

43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country – I can see that this is going to be a recurring theme….

44. Watched whales – No.

45. Stolen a sign – Why?

46. Backpacked in Europe – And again…. I don’t even have a passport yet.

47. Taken a road-trip- Yes!

48. Gone rock climbing - Nope

49. Midnight walk on the beach – Nope

50. Gone sky diving – Oh yes!!! Of course I have jumped out of a plane with nothing but a piece of cloth to save me from falling to my doom. Or not.

51. Visited Ireland – Again, the farthest I’ve ever been is Hawaii. But I would really LOVE to go to Ireland!

52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love – I’ve never been in love.

53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them – I don’t think that I have, actually.

54. Visited Japan – Okay, come on! Is this all just some big ploy to make me feel poorly traveled?

55. Milked a cow – You don’t milk beef cows (like the ones I live with).

56. Alphabetized your CDs – What, all four of them?

57. Pretended to be a superhero – Oh please! Why is everyone so obsessive about people who run around with their underwear on the outside??

58. Sung karaoke – NO.

59. Lounged around in bed all day – Well, at least half of it.

60. Played touch football – I dunno..

61. Gone scuba diving – No.

62. Kissed in the rain – Um. No. (I’ve never been in love, remember?)

63. Played in the mud – I live in the country, of course I’ve played in the mud. Anyone who hasn’t has missed a large part of their childhood.

64. Played in the rain – Yes!

65. Gone to a drive-in theater – Nope.

66. Visited the Great Wall of China – Okay, seriously people. I HAVE NEVER LEFT THE COUNTRY…. Need I explain this to you again??!?

67. Started a business – No, but I helped Mom with hers.

68. Fallen in love and not had your heart Jbroken – Never. Been. In. Love. Seriously.

69. Toured ancient sites – I’ve been up in the loft of our barn plenty of times! It’s got the whole dusty, rotten wood look down pat.

70. Taken a martial arts class – Once I was forced to do one class of it taught by some friends. I sucked.

71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight – ?

72. Gotten married – apparently, I do need to explain this again.

73. Been in a movie – No, but I’ve done some skits and a play.74. Crashed a party – How rude.

75. Gotten divorced – …you guys are really slow learners, huh?

76. Gone without food for 5 days – No.

77. Made cookies from scratch – Did you forget who my Mom is? Like, duh!

78. Won first prize in a costume contest – Yes. At the harvest party at Church several years ago.

79. Ridden a gondola in Venice – You’re just not getting this are you? Besides, if I were to leave the country, I’d go to England and Ireland.

80. Gotten a tattoo – No.

81. Rafted a river – No.

82. Been on television news programs as an “expert” – No.

83. Gotten flowers for no reason – No.

84. Performed on stage – Yes, lots of fun, that!

85. Been to Las Vegas – No.

86. Recorded music – No….

87. Eaten shark – I don’t like seafood.

88. Kissed on the first date – Okay. Let me clarify still more. I’ve never been on a date and I’ve never been kissed.

89. Gone to Thailand – Are you going to go through all of the countries in the world this way?

90. Bought a house – Nope.

91. Been in a combat zone – No.

92. Buried one/both of your parents – NO! Thank heavens!

93. Been on a cruise ship – No. I would prefer a tall ship.

94. Spoken more than one language fluently – Workin’ on that.

95. Performed in a Rocky Horror Picture Show – Sorry, what?

96. Raised children – Never been in love. Never been kissed. Never dated. Never had kids.

97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour – No. That would probably involve leaving the country.

98. Passed out cold – No. I’m thankfully not the fainting type.

99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country – And again.

100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over – Nope.

101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge – No. But I have driven over what has been deemed “the creepiest bridge EVER” by yours truly.

102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking – Oh, probably.

103. Had plastic surgery – Whatever.

104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived – nope

105. Wrote articles for a large publication – No.

106. Lost over 100 pounds – No. If I lost 100 pounds I would be toddler-sized.

107. Held someone while they were having a flashback – I’m sorry?

108. Piloted an airplane – I don’t even drive yet.

109. Touched a stingray – Ew. Why?

110. Broken someone’s heart – Shall we go over this again?

111. Helped an animal give birth – Ew! No!

112. Won money on a TV game show - Nope

113. Broken a bone - No

114. Gone on an African photo safari – .... I suppose you’ll figure it out eventually.

115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears – No. It’s ugly and then my Mom would grab onto it and lead me around.

116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol – I don’t remember.

117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild – No. My Mommy taught me not to eat things that I find outside.

118. Ridden a horse – Yes. And looked like a dork because I was scared.

119. Had major surgery – No, thank you.

120. Had a snake as a pet – Ewww!

121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon – no.

122. Slept 30 hours in a 48 hour time frame – If I was asleep, I probably wasn’t counting.

123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states – Okay, seriously people…

124. Visited all 7 continents –And AGAIN!!

125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days – I think not.

126. Eaten kangaroo meat - No

127. Eaten sushi – Ooh, yummy. Raw fish…. Er NO!.

128. Had your picture in the newspaper – No.

129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about – I don’t know.

130. Gone back to school – Never left it.

131. Parasailed – No.

132. touched a cockroach – NO. NO. NO.

133. Eaten fried green tomatoes – Ew.

134. Read “The Iliad” – Did you forget who my Mom is? Yes!

135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read – Yep. Tolstoy. Dostoevsky.

136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating – No thank you.

137. Skipped all your school reunions – Not out of high school yet.

138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language – Vaguely.

139. Been elected to public office – I’ve been elected president in a mock election before.

140. Written your own computer language – Not really all that good with computers.

141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream – I don’t even know what my dream is.

142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care – No way!

143. Built your own PC from parts – Not good with computers.

144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you – I don’t draw.

145. Had a booth at a street fair – No.

146. Dyed your hair – Nope. These highlights are natural!

147. Been a DJ – No.

148. Shaved your head – No.

149. Caused a car accident – Nope.

150. Saved someone’s life – Nope.