Sunday, October 30, 2011

The Ultimate Crime

   So, maybe it's just because I've seen too many cop shows and sci-fi movies, but my brain works in what might be considered abnormal ways. My imagination can run a bit rampant when it is fueled by too many strange books, stories, or movies... or even just ideas planted here and there along the way. In my defence, my friend has agreed with my about the theory I will now share with you.

   My theory is this: Nighttime in a corn maze is one of the best settings imaginable for a grisly, blood-chilling, headline-making, horror movie-esque crime.

   You may be wondering what caused this realization. That's understandable... I mean, it isn't really the sort of thing that just pops into one's mind for no reason at all. But don't worry. I had a reason.

   Tonight, I went to the corn maze with my friend and a group of her friends. Queue rabbit trail: Is it weird that most of the parties I go to are comprised of people I don't know? Not that it's a problem, I actually enjoy it. Meeting new people can be a fantastic and fun time. Or it can be incredibly awkward and embarrassing (I'm okay. I don't want to talk about it. My therapist has it under control). But really, despite the odd disaster here and there, I like it. And people say I'm not adventurous. Anywho, where was I? Ah, yes, the corn maze.

   Let me set the mood for you....

   The night was dark and the chill air stretched still and silent over the land. Small tufts of clouds drifted over the thin, yellow sliver of a moon which hung timid and low in the sky. The corn field lay covered in a coating of eerie white fog. Not a sound was to be heard from within, not so much as a rustling of leaves in the wind or  a drop of rain splattering on the ground. Hired hands moved quickly about their work, a heavy silence lingering as they moved in and out of the shadows.

   Yeah, so it was kinda like that as we made our slippery way out to the maze tonight. As we walked past the flaming torches that lit the entrance to the maze, the title "Children of the Corn" flitted briefly through my mind. Wait, isn't that some terrible kind of horror movie that I've heard of somewhere? I chose to ignore that thought and for a little while, I felt like Harry Potter on his quest to find the Goblet of Fire. Except not. But you know, I'm a nerd and I have the ability to imagine that things are way more awesome than they really are.

   After trudging around for awhile enjoying the cool night air and the company of these friendly strangers, I decided that the maze wasn't too creepy. I mean, I wouldn't want to be alone in the maze, but I was having fun as things were. Then we decided to play a game. The first step in this game was for one person to run off by themselves into the maze and eventually the others would scatter out and find them. The person left alone at the end, of course, would lose.

   While this game sounded fun, I imagined that I might get a bit creeped out if people began to disappear from behind me and I ended up alone. To stave off that eventuality, I decided to volunteer to be the one who ran off alone in the beginning and ended up with a crowd of people by the end. This all sounded like a good plan in my mind.

   I wandered for awhile around the maze, slipping and sliding my way along (and entirely unsure of where I was) until I reached a clearing and waited as instructed. It was a bit eerie, being all alone. At first, I distracted myself by admiring the airplanes flying by on their way in or out of the nearby airport. I have to say, they were really quite impressive and pretty as they soared in and out of the ghostly clouds all lit up. Nerd moment: It was a little bit like being in Star Trek and watching the Enterprise take off. Except not as awesome. But it was pretty spiffy.

   After a little bit, my situation began to sink in. The corn maze is a perfect place for a horrible crime to be committed. It's dark, so the victim wouldn't see their danger until it were to late. It's a maze, so it's unlikely that they could find their way out in time. It's a Halloween type thing, so nobody would be disturbed to hear screaming. It's muddy, so running would be difficult. And it's a maze, so who knows when the evidence would be found. Creepy right?

   So there I stood, just waiting for the hunchbacked farmer in red plaid and overalls to squelch his way out of the many corn maze paths with an axe swinging at his side. That's when one of our group showed up and told me how eerie she thought this place was. I agreed. And I was happy that she was there and that she wasn't a plaid-wearing, mud-squelching, axe-murdering farmer.

   Anyways, so that's what I think about corn mazes. I hope you enjoy that thought next time you visit your local corn maze. Just kidding, enjoy yourself. I did; I had a great time. Corn mazes are fun! .... so long as no one with murderous intentions is around.

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